A Tournament Report--for Everyone!

Whenever I go through a phase in my social life where I have very few friends or social activities for whatever reason (typically a failed attempt to study or work), the old high school sweetheart whose calls I ignore for years at a time returns to my life--Magic: The Gathering. What a strange activity that turns on a dime from alienating to soul-consuming. Now is one of those times, and it ominously coincides with the release of a new set, Shadowmoor. Yesterday I searched out the local pre-release event and decided to see what French nerds are like.

At 27, few activities really provoke any excitement for me anymore. Only the most attractive women manage to sustain any level of sexual excitement for me, and some women I am literally unable to maintain an erection for now. Coffee, alcohol, and food (thank you, France) are still great, and--rarely--newly discovered music can provoke unknown sensations, but by and large I can now see life heading towards its long, slow end phase of flat-line existence.

A Magic tournament, on the other hand, that's something to get excited about.

The prospect of sitting down and trying to assemble cards in a more elegant way than any other random French kid with the same intention suddenly kept me from sleeping the entire night before, and for the first time in weeks I saw the amazing sunrise of a Mediterranean beach. So repulsed by the idea of arriving too early to anything that I miss trains and international flights, I arrive at the site of this tournament a full half-hour early. Ready to go, I briefly pause to wonder what the hell is wrong with my mind, but what can one really do about it when the id wants to open packs?

Gerard Fabiano--one of the few 'pro' players who doesn't fit the typical pedophile police description--won his first tournament and a few thousand dollars at the recent Grand Prix: Philadelphia tournament with my favorite 'outdated' deck. I saw him talk about it on Youtube and of course he didn't have much to say because hey it's a card game, but he did mention that all of his opponents were extremely nervous, fidgeting with their cards and shaking the entire time. He "for once" felt utterly calm and collected, simply thinking about the best move and not worrying too much. Players fidgeting with cards is one of the most annoying and pervasive things in the game and I've always hated it. Even more so because it's contagious like yawning and I end up doing it when others around me do.

What Fabiano said really hit home because I've noticed it in tournaments I've won or observed in Poker and Magic, and in real-life situations like taking exams or job interviews. Being nervous is a huge distraction and prevent you from thinking clearly and seems to be one of the most difficult things to hide, too. So when your interviewer or opponent sees it, you're screwed, and too fucking nervous to think of a way to deal with it anyway. I told myself beforehand I'd do myself the favor of chilling out and relaxing because who cares?

So I arrive and down two cups of coffee right off the bat. Good move, Richard. Then I realize the cards are in French and I hardly know any of them so it's going to be that much more difficult to build a deck when the time comes. At least I'm comforted by looking around and seeing that the three women present are some of the least attractive French girls I've ever seen. It's a comforting change. An excess of sexy women can really bear down on a man after awhile. That's why it's so difficult to live in Paris for too long when you're single.

I should note, to be fair, that the guys were generally fairly well-adjusted as even French nerds tend to enjoy drinking and sex which keeps a man firmly grounded. Still, there was a fairly even split between people my age there for a few hours of distraction, weird asocial types, older people I safely avoided any contact with, and teenagers. A much more diverse crowd in terms of social categories than in North America, for what it's worth.

In Part 2 I post the contents of my deck and what I did with it, so all the non-magic players can safely ignore it. I promise it will be quicker than the euro-trip diary!!

[EDIT (03/09): The rest of this series has been moved to http://incabaltherapy.blogspot.com where this subject gets a blog all its own]